If you’re anything like me, you will know that familiar feeling of self-doubt that gets in the way of your goals. It can feel like a self-inflicted glass ceiling at the best of times, and a prison at the worst. I desperately want to succeed and try new things, but my lack of confidence and self-belief holds me back. 

If you can relate, then I hope my blog can give you some semblance of relief from your inner critic and offer you actual ways to cope with the bad days and cherish the good ones. I’m writing this to share the things that have helped me, the things that help the children I work with, and practical, easy-to-apply strategies to get you out of the pit.  

For the past six years, I have desperately wanted to write a blog and share stories from my life that I think will help others like they have helped me. But my self-doubt has trapped me in a state of paralysis. I go to write and my mind gets loud, telling me that I’m narcissistic for wanting to share my stories, that nobody will want to read my words, that my opinion is not valid and there is simply no point in even trying. 

Sound familiar? I regularly have conversations with friends, most often women, who share similar thoughts about their own lives. Worries about not being good enough. Fears of failure. Anxiety about whether other people are judging them. But what made me finally start this blog is knowing that other people’s stories have helped me, so maybe sharing my ideas will help someone else.  

So, to overcome this utter sense of apocalyptic dread at the thought of writing a blog, I had to go back to my toolkit, the list of tools and techniques I tap into when I sense the inner critic is meddling away inside my mind. Here are a few ways I practice challenging my self-doubt. 

Question your thoughts – fact or fear? 

Self-talk is a powerful thing, and while being kind to ourselves goes some way in helping us face our demons, being pragmatic and straightforward is helpful too. When I am thinking negative things about myself, I literally write down questions and answer them to figure out if they are based on facts or my own fears.  

For example, before writing this blog, I asked myself whether anybody else had ever called me narcissistic for sharing my advice or stories with them when they were feeling low. No, they had only ever been grateful. I also asked whether I had ever believed that about anybody else writing a blog or book about mental health. No, I had only ever been grateful and learnt from them.  

By writing my inner monologue down, I give myself concrete evidence that my thoughts might not be telling me the whole truth. This has helped me become much more realistic about what I should and shouldn’t do. 

Assess the best and worst case scenarios, and then the most likely ones 

Self-doubt can make us visualise the worst case scenario. I will write a blog and then will lose all of my friends because they think I’m a loser. I will publish a blog post and will receive loads of hate for it. I will write blog and it will be so bad nobody will ever read it and I will die from embarrassment. Apologies for the melodrama, but this is sometimes how dramatic my inner voice can be. 

To counteract this mentality, we can also take time to consider the best case scenario. I will write a blog and people will read it and be grateful for the support. I will create a blog that grows into a community of wellbeing leaders who offer support groups and resources to help those struggling. I will publish a blog that will open doors in my career that I didn’t expect.  

Then, we can be pragmatic and consider the most likely outcomes, finding balance in our catastrophising. I will publish a blog and a few people will read it and find it helpful. I will write a blog that will help me grow in confidence and believe in myself more. I will create a blog that contributes in a small way to helping people feel seen, heard and supported.  

Finding this balance helps us be realistic rather than delusional.  

Be your own friend 

When you are doubting yourself, think about what you would say to a friend in the same boat. The likelihood is, you would be kind, practical and realistic. You wouldn’t put them down for being ambitious, you would focus on their strengths and make it feel achievable. Talk to yourself like that, be kind.  

Focus on specific tasks, not the end goal 

The thought of building a blog and sharing stories felt like a big task, but listing techniques I use to challenge self-doubt was easy. Breaking goals down into specific and bitesize tasks helps make goals feel more achievable and less daunting. Once I had written this list, I could then start describing each one and the post naturally began to form. 

For chronic overthinkers like me, there is a tendency to attempt to think about everything all at once – who’s birthday it is this month, how much washing you have to do, how you are going to increase your income, that course you wanted to do, when you are going to see your friends, the fact you are not sleeping enough… Writing goals down for later, then focusing on one thing at a time helps.  

It’s a heffer of a cliche, but taking things one step at a time actually works. It is only because it has been repeated and proven to work that it has become the cliche it is today.  

Just do the thing! 

I can be a master procrastinator when self-doubt creeps in, and can become obsessed with getting things perfect before doing something. When I started making this blog, I spent ages thinking about a name, colour scheme, what hosting site to use. But the real progress comes in just doing the thing.  

Dr Shade Zahrai, a behavioural researcher and leading thinker on confidence and self-doubt talks about creating evidence of your ability to do something to build self-trust. For example, it felt like I needed to make sure I was good at writing blogs before writing this, but it is the other way around. This blog will grow with me, while I do it. Finesse comes after starting, not before.  

So face those inner demons head on and give it a go.  

I am by no means over my self-doubt. It is something I face every day. But slowly slowly, with consistency, commitment and determination, I question my loud thoughts and create space for a new inner voice, one that has got my back and believes I can succeed.